Warning, long whiney but ultimately positive post ahead.

This is a very random and all over the place post, but it does have a happy ending (if you make it that far). I apologise in advance cos it is a bit of a tome and it probably won't even make sense to anyone else but me.

We went to see the Wiggles today. The new Wiggle is really good. He has a lovely singing voice. We had crap seats, even though I got on the internet at 9am the day the tickets went on sale and got "Hot Potato" seats (ie I paid extra). We couldn't see the back of the stage at all. Lachie hated being confined to his seat and just wanted to run up and down the stairs at the side of our block of seats. Anyway, it was an experience. One which I will probably not endure again! Oh, and they were selling Wiggles balloons - of course Lachie loves balloons - ten bucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I got him one, but what a bloody ripoff!! Luckily I only have one child. The other thing that annoyed me was that the balloons have the old yellow Wiggle on them, ok maybe they didn't have time to make new balloons but hey $10 for outdated ones, just annoys me even more.

This is Lachie watching the show. This is what we could see. Plus we couldn't hear what anyone was saying. It was all very muffled. I'm thinking about writing a letter of complaint! So I paid $130 for 90 minutes of struggling to keep my son in his seat and a long distance view of some colorfully clad bodies. (OK that's not good English!!)

My little man, the love of my life - I hate to think where I would be if I didn't have him. He is the absolute BEST thing that has happened to me. Plus he's just so damned cute!!

This is a photo of me at my brother's house last week. HMmmm - not looking too good.

Lachie in my high heels and Daddy's purple tie - and that's all. I think he was doing a "Julia Roberts" from Pretty Woman!! hehe - doesn't impress Daddy too much though. Lachie is going through this phase where he just undresses himself, for no reason, other than he can!

This is me and DH at the second wedding we went to (this is before I got tractor faced drunk and temporarily lost my $500 camera!!).

I've got lots of things to say, but not much time - so i'll do some dot point random thoughts that come into my head.

• This time last year I weighed exactly the same as I do now and that annoys me like you wouldn't believe.


• I put on about 7 kilos this year and lost it again but told myself I was "maintaining"


• I am currently only two kilos heavier than my lowest weight of 73.1 but I feel at least 10 kilos heavier


• I could have been at goal now if I hadn't f#cked around this year


• I'm cranky with myself for not being disciplined enough to keep going with weight loss


• I'm cranky with myself for not trying


• I'm cranky with myself for eating crap, still smoking and not exercising


• I'm cranky with myself for having a house that always looks like a pig sty


• I'm cranky with myself for not organising to spend more time with my friends and family


• I'm cranky with myself for never sticking to anything


• I'm cranky with myself for paying $200 for 12 weeks of Weight Watchers and going twice (maybe three times)


• I'm cranky with myself for promising to clean the fish tank relilgiously after Nemo Mark I died and then not doing it (by the way Nemo(s) Mark II, III and IV are all thriving wonderfully despite my lack of care and the slimy consitency of their habitat)


• I'm cranky with myself for giving away all of my size 16 clothes and some of my size 14 clothes and now needing to go and buy more because I feel like a fat pig and all my clothes are too tight on me (even though i'm only 2 kilos heavier)


• I'm cranky with myself because i'm a whinger and nothing is ever good enough for me


• I'm cranky with myself because i'm tired and that makes me cranky


• I'm cranky with myself because i'm just an all round idiot

More random thoughts: (these may or may not be justified - only I can judge that)

• i'm a bitch to everyone I know


• i'm feeling fat and ugly and tired and run down and lonely and very sad


• i'm sick of DH working weekends cos we can't go anywhere or do anything


• i'm losing my friends but now i'm thinking they weren't really my friends anway as some 'issues' have occurred


• I wish I could win Lotto (I forgot to put it on this week so my numbers probably DID come up but i'm too scared to check)


• I wish I could afford the time/money to go to Curves (or any gym really)


• I wish I had a friend who lived nearby who I could really trust (just to confirm that I do have a friend who I trust but she lives very very far away and I don't get to see her much)


• I wish I had a friend who I could go walking with and who I shared common interests with


• I wish I could stop eating crap


• I wish I was a better mother


• I wish I was a better wife


• I'm sick of one sided relationships - I love giving (all the stuff you know making the phone calls, organising get togethers, supplying everything, going out of my way to make people feel welcome, relaxed, sharing and giving whatever is required) but when you give and give and give and get nothing in return except people relying on your generosity it gets a bit boring

So, enough whining ..... I need a plan. First of all I have to stop shitting on myself cos I have enough people in my life who will automatically do that for me. If i'm going to have someone on my side it may aswell be me right? Who is it that says one of the most important things in life is to be your own No.1 supporter? Probably Dr Phil. Anyhoo.... yadda yadda.

I'm having some time off over Christmas as the daycare is closed and we have no-one to look after DS. We are going to take a trip to Dubbo Zoo and spend some quality 'family' time together.

Daycare reopens on 8 January so as of that day I will start my New Year plan, which of course I haven't really thought of yet but I will have it all down in writing before then as i'm already starting to think about it.

I need to be more positive, I need to let up on myself and I need to get my life in order. I don't care how slowly I get to my goad, it's not a race, its about making positive steps in the right direction and sticking with them, not going backwards and then having to trudge through the same path over and over.

So, on that note I think I will also start a new blog. New Year, new me, new blog. Sounds okay.